


gravity is losing its hold

by fuckmylife666



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Punk, Bucky Barnes Recovering, First Meetings, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Not Canon Compliant, Punk Steve Rogers, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 09:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18547282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckmylife666/pseuds/fuckmylife666
Summary: "bucky was content. he was soft and feminine and nurturing and he got strange looks on the street and he wouldn't have it any other way.his neighbour, however, was not content at all."





	gravity is losing its hold

**Author's Note:**

> this fills out prompt B1 on @sgtbucketbarnes' 1k writing challenge on tumblr!

the twenty-first century was a blessing in disguise. even though tearing himself away from the haze that came from being controlled in the most invasive way should've been liberating, bucky resented the world for chewing him up and spitting him out. after breaking free of hydra's control, bucky couldn't handle the thought of having to be _tough_ and  _masculine_ , but he certainly wasn't prepared to learn that he didn't necessarily have to, if he didn't want to. on one of his people watching escapades, he'd been writing his observations about how _normal_ people interacted, just so he could vicariously experience the thrilling mundanity of every day, when suddenly his eyes fell onto a beacon of hope. the beacon of hope in question happened to be in the form of a man in a sundress and makeup. bucky became transfixed, abandoning his notebook and his findings. if this man could wear a dress, bucky could, too. before the unsuspecting guy noticed that he was being stared at, bucky averted his eyes, choosing to look at his cup of coffee (long since cold) for a long few seconds, trying to figure out why this discovery seemed so monumental, and why the image of a man who could've come from anywhere was branded into the insides of his eyelids.

the laptop bucky owned was, without question, one of the best. using the money he'd stolen when he'd liquidated some of hydra's assets (with him, technically, being one of them), he'd gone to the nearest store that sold any type of technology and asked an unwitting employee to recommend a computer, specifically stating that money wasn't an issue. the novelty of being able to spend to his heart's content wore off a couple months after he became a free man (even though he didn't actually end up spending all that much; he still couldn't make major decisions without feeling as though a handler should have stepped in and decided it themselves), but he still hadn't gotten used to the outright decadent convenience of having a  _portable_ computer. a few google searches later revealed the rising movement of boys wearing  _feminine_ clothes, expressing  _feminine_ emotions, and having  _feminine_ interests. nothing- _nothing-_ like this would have been tolerated when he was younger, but he thanked his lucky stars that people not only tolerated, but  _embraced_ it now. 

well, maybe not  _everyone_ embraced men being feminine, but bucky figured he could throw enough of a punch that anyone who tried to give him trouble would sorely regret it. 

throughout the next seven months, he settled down in brooklyn, where he used to live when he was a child, and started collecting dresses and skirts. when his need to  _nurture_ something, just to prove he could supplement life instead of destroying it, became too great, bucky tentatively bought a cactus. he then bought an aloe vera plant.  before he knew it, bucky had more flowy skirts and dresses in his wardrobe than the run-of-the-mill black t-shirts, jumpers, and jeans he used to wear when he was still figuring out how to be a person. he also stood by and watched as his newly hedonistic nature combined with his abysmal impulse control meant that his apartment became overtaken by potted plants and flowers, all of which had names. on his  _bad days_ , he would at least get up to water the ones that needed watering, which was better than simply not getting up at all.

bucky was content. he was soft and feminine and nurturing and he got strange looks on the street and he wouldn't have it any other way.

his neighbour, however, was not content at all.

steve was all jagged edges and anger and a body too small to contain it all. he wore dark, purposefully smudged eyeliner and started fistfights with anyone who called him "faggot" for it. he wore a leather jacket with spikes and studs hot glued to it. there wasn't a protest, riot, or rally on the east coast in the five years previous that he hadn't been to. sometimes bucky saw steve stumble into his apartment, obviously drunk, and it caused something  _wrong_ to open up into his chest. the only thing bucky knew for sure was that he felt sorry for steve. he really did.

the day after steve came home from wherever he went to go and get so intoxicated, bucky usually knocked on his door around midday, holding coffee and chocolate cake from the starbucks across the street. steve rarely spoke, but bucky used the time to let himself be quiet while still being social, and barely restrained himself from asking the other man what the tattooes on his skinny arms meant. in return, steve didn't mention or ask anything about bucky's own life. they simply existed within a vacuum together, ignoring the outside world in favour of drinking coffee together.

the script didn't break inside steve's apartment, but the man noticed when bucky didn't leave his house for several days in a row. the paper thin walls also meant that steve also heard his nightmares. on the days where steve noticed that his neighbour was slightly too quiet for comfort, he picked up his bass guitar and played the lightest songs he knew by heart over and over, hoping that the noise would drift through the greenery he sometimes saw when bucky was coming back from grocery shopping and left his door open while he lifted his bags through to his kitchen, and that the songs would soothe him if nothing else could.

 

**Author's Note:**

> comment prompts for me to fill within this universe!! i'll continue to update as I get inspiration but I kind of really like this idea. you can find me on tumblr @fuckmarvel !!


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